Ladies, please, please, please, I implore you to take the following seriously, because your life, or the life of a friend or family member might depend on it. Let me begin by defining domestic violence. Domestic violence is any form of unwanted emotional, sexual and physical force that causes discomfort, shame, pain, injury, suffering or bodily harm.
The very first time, not the second or third time, but the very first time your male partner, whether your husband, fiancé, or live-in companion, threatens you or places his hands on you, in an attempt to control your actions, do not hesitate to get the law involved. Call the police right away!
If you feel like it might be unsafe to call the police while he is in the house, make up an excuse to leave the house. The first opportunity you get to leave your house, go immediately to a police station, and report the abuse.
Here comes the hardest part. Do not return to the house where the abuse has been taking place. I know your kids are still in the house. I realize that there are many good memories there, but your life is worth so much more than memories. If you want to give your children a chance at a promising future, do what is best for them and get help for yourself.
Besides calling the cops and reporting the abuse, get everyone involved. Tell your neighbors. Tell every church member. Tell your girlfriends. Save and post pictures, share the story of the abuse on Facebook and other social media, and spread the word about this criminal.
There is no such thing as a one-time act of physical abuse.
By starting a campaign to make people aware of the physical abuse and trauma you are experiencing, the easier it will be for you to get out of that relationship, and start on the journey of self-care and healing.
Here’s where this message gets a little sticky. To my religious women, some of you might be wondering if it is right to leave your religious man if he physically abuses you. Heaven’s YES!
First, domestic violence and abuse are not spiritual problems. Second, you can’t pray away your man’s criminal behavior. Third, a man will never attempt to coerce or control his lady by using shame, guilt, physical force, or any other form of intimidation.
The question is not about whether it is right or wrong to leave or forgive an abusive man. The question is what is in your best physical, emotional, and spiritual interest, and also that of your children and other family members.
I encourage forgiveness, because it is the right thing to do. However, you should not stay in any relationship where you live in constant fear of being physically violated. You ought to leave that relationship. Let’s remove any nuances from the word leave. Leave means to permanently set something aside, to give something up–no turning back. “Hasta la vista baby.”
If you’re married, should you get a divorce? Well, that’s entirely up to you. What I’m saying is, you should not, under any circumstance, remain in any relationship where domestic violence and emotional abuse are present.
Someone might be wondering how does the aforementioned factor in a situation where there has been only one incidence of physical aggression and violence.
Ladies, there is no such thing as a one-time act of physical abuse. Yes, you lived through the first, and might have forgiven and moved on, but don’t forget, you still live with the perpetrator. Although he told you that he’s a changed man, and he’ll never hit you again, you should not believe that lie. He will hit you again. It’s just a matter of when.
The fact is: he is not a changed man. A physically abusive man will always be an abusive man. Right now, I imagine that some men might be pissed off because of the remark I just made. Remember buddy, you’re the one who raised your hand on your woman–remember that!
Ladies, what I am saying is that not only is a man who physically abuses a woman, a punk, wuss, sissy, and a coward, but also a man with serious emotional and mental issues. Your fasting and praying will not change him. Don’t bother calling the church elders; they can’t do anything for him. In fact, some of them are his friends, and there might be one or two of them who are guilty of the same crime against their spouses or girlfriends.
Ladies, an abusive relationship cannot be managed. You cannot rehabilitate a man who has decided to stoop to the vilest and lowest behavior among intelligent life forms. A physically abusive man cannot be fixed. Albeit, he can undergo lifetime counseling and anger management to get the healing that’s needed to live a normal life. Even so, you do not need to be around while this savage brute undergoes therapy that offers no guarantee of producing long-term positive results.
Here are some stats to consider:
- Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
- Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.
- At least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.
- Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship, said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
- Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women–more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
Ladies, you owe it to yourself to live a life of honor, happiness, contentment and one that’s injury-free.