Happy November…?

Deep down in my core is a feeling I cannot seem to shake. The feeling is neither good nor bad, happy or sad. It is more like a tug of war or ‘push v. pull’ between what I think I ought to be doing and…something else.

The “something else” feeling is likened to a search for the last missing piece of a puzzle. For the past several days, I found myself scouring the web for hours without any particular goal. And I am still not sure if I have found that which I am seeking or missing. At the end of my aimless searching, the myriad of thoughts running through my mind would converge on the part of my person that desires something more.

Perhaps, I am experiencing intellectual boredom. Maybe, I am subconsciously suffering from a midlife crisis. Those are plausible possibilities. There is a part of me that feels like I have not done enough—enough of anything—as though I am running in place, and life is moving forward as one gigantic incomplete piece. I feel like I am in a dream watching happiness and contentment slip away like sand through my fingers.

Interestingly, I recently released a book, which is something I ought to be celebrating, yet, I do not have much sense of accomplishment. I am not unhappy with having another book “under my belt” because I am. Nonetheless, there is a part of me, which is not tied to writing, that feels like: “Is that it, is that all you got?”

It could be that it is time to take a break from my thoughts. Whatever this feeling is, I am trying to embrace it. I will adjust, adapt, and learn what works best for me.

This blog post’s initial title was “My 2021 Writing Goals,” but I went along this stream of consciousness ride, and ta-da.

Happy November!

Your thoughts are always welcomed.

7 thoughts on “Happy November…?

  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings Josiah and congratulations on achieving publication of your 2nd book!
    If you are not already connected, perhaps the answer to your dissatisfaction lies in the heart and hands of God, and if you are already connected, then perhaps the answer is in knowing and pursuing His purpose for your life! Just a thought. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Carol. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Although I am not a theist, I am driven by a sense a purpose—and continually strive to create meaning in my life and ignite the spark in others so they too can reach their highest potentialities. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I know that feeling all too much. When you said “intellectual boredom” you potentially opened an entrance to a rabbit hole, I reckon – in a good way, as it could be seriously interesting to see where it leads you. Maybe there is a psychological relationship between the never-ending overflow of information on the web and the feeling of contentment forever slipping away. Our fear of not doing enough, or achieving enough does come from seeing the abundance of what there is out there though, I believe at least. Anyway – switching off and going offline for a couple of days to reconnect with my immediate surroundings helps me to regain a saner level of contentment again from time to time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nadine, much gratitude to you for sharing. There is a certain palpable excitement that accompanies the descent into the unknown. How long will the journey last? What aspects of my being will be uncovered and rediscovered. What new gifts or revelations will emerge on the other side?

      As you alluded to, unplugging from certain routines has the potential to open up an infinite array of new possibilities meant to reinforce or reestablish our contentment and happiness quotient. ☺️

      Like

  3. Josiah… Thanks for the stream of consciousness. I’ve been there, too. I find that it helps to make time to just quietly sit. Breathe. Go to the woods or by a river and just be, pay attention there, call in some gratitude for something in your life. Nature always shows me how to move forward.

    Liked by 1 person

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